Today my cousin called me a “bitch” for doing what I did to him. I don’t need to explain myself to anyone but try waking up everyday wondering how life would have been if only he had stuck to his word or even tried to give this city a chance. For me. Everyone knows what it feels like to miss someone they love. I am living alone in a city that’s not afraid to chew me up and spit me out. I was away from the only guy I have ever fell in love with. He gets to see his family and friends everyday. I don’t. Everyone always talks about how great he is and how lucky I was to have him. You think I didn’t know that? “He’s so in love with you Niki.” “He’s gonna be so successful one day” Of course I knew all of that. You can call me the devil for breaking his heart into pieces but I am not gonna apologize for wanting my heartache of missing him to end and I am definitely not going to apologize for chasing my dream. I know I’m not trying to be a doctor or a lawyer but I’m pursuing something that I love. Something that I love more than him and if that means I have to lose him to be where I wanna be, then fine. Call it being a “bitch” if you want but I call this passion for something that I love. I love this career more than money, and right now maybe even more than love itself. I will always love Andrew and maybe one day we’ll end up in the same place at the right time. Who knows? But for the sake of myself and the career that I want right now I can’t wait for him. I can’t put so much energy in something that is so unknown to me. I needed to live my life here and embrace this beautiful city first; to be able wake up every morning and say, “Yes, I may be alone but I am not lonely.” I am gonna continue to live my life with strength and grace even on days when it hurts to miss him. I know that it may seem like in this story I was the “bitch” but I never meant to break him. I just wanted to fix me.